


Love Laid to Rest

by everlovingdeer



Series: Harry Potter Short Stories [168]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Exes, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Matchmaking, Old Friends, Reconciliation, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22774978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everlovingdeer/pseuds/everlovingdeer
Summary: “He also mentioned something about little feet?”“Salazar’s soul,” I groaned, dropping my head. I almost didn’t want to look up again because I knew he would be looking at me for an explanation that I wouldn’t give him. But eventually, I did look up and sure enough, he was looking at me like I knew he would’ve been. Remus didn’t voice his curiosity. Instead, he waited for me to speak. “He somehow got it into his head that when he got out of Azkaban he’d come back to nieces and nephews.”“Well,” he started slowly, not looking as shocked or even as repulsed as I’d initially thought he would. “Do you think he would have? Had nieces and nephews by now, if we hadn’t split?”
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader
Series: Harry Potter Short Stories [168]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1461751
Comments: 2
Kudos: 222





	1. Love Laid at Rest

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to other sites on 31/12/19

Sometimes, I felt like I was still dreaming. That eventually, something would happen and I’d wake up and find myself alone in Grimmauld Place again with only wretched Kreacher to keep me company. I still didn’t completely believe that Sirius was out of Azkaban and he was here with me, home and safe and where he should have been all along.

I’d been separated from my brother for over a decade only for him to turn up one day, out of the blue with no prior indication that he was coming home. At first, part of me refused to accept that the skeletal man was my brother because how could he be? My brother always smiled and laughed and didn’t look as if he would topple over if a strong gust of wind brushed past him. But I’d pushed the utter outrage I felt towards the Ministry for doing this to my brother, for reducing him to this, and instead embraced him, completely ignoring the dirty state of him. In that moment, I’d reverted back to be a little girl again who sought out her older brother and struggled not to cry to him about how lonely I’d been without him. Because, no matter what my protests were, he’d had it worse. Much worse.

It had taken some time, but eventually, we’d acclimatised, slipping slowly back into the easy relationship we’d shared before his wrongful imprisonment. There were still moments where I’d stumble across him sitting in a random room, seeking time away from the other occupants of our home as he alone dealt with his inner ghosts. It took work, but we were getting there. Even with the Order of the Phoenix settling into our home and preparing to use it as a base, most of my focus was on my brother, on making sure that I helped him put some meat on his bones and to regain his health.

“Stop picking at your food,” I insisted from across the dining table, watching as Sirius pushed his spinach to one side. How was he _still_ such a picky eater? “You need to eat your vegetables, Sirius.”

“Yes mother,” he grumbled, reluctantly shovelling a mouthful of spinach into his mouth. Then he paused, glancing around the dining room in a way he’d been doing often since he came home.

“Why do you keep doing that?” I asked eventually.

He shrugged, even as he went on to explain, “This house feels as lonely as it used to when we were kids.”

“It does,” I agreed in a heartbeat. With only the two of us in this house, it felt too empty even if it was haunted by the ghosts of our pasts. The last time I’d felt so overwhelmingly alone in this house was after we’d found out Regulus had died – I’d lost both my brothers by then. One had moved out, and the other had died for reasons I didn’t know. Reasons I _still_ didn’t know. But hopefully, with the Order set to arrive soon, they’d breathe some much-needed life back into this hollow shell of a home.

“You know,” Sirius started slowly, bringing me from my thoughts. I looked to my older brother then, finding him studying his plate the way he did whenever he wanted to probe into my life without risking getting a hex to the face. A fleeting smile played at the corner of my mouth; he was almost like he was in his fifth year when he cornered me to find out just which Gryffindor, I was caught dating. Of course, when he _did_ find out, he’d been more than pleased. “Whenever I thought about home whilst I was stuck in the place, I always thought it would be much livelier than it is now. That there would be little feet running around and making too much trouble for Kreacher.”

I held my silence, just long enough for him to lift his head to study me closely. Then, it was my turn to focus on my own plate of food, “Why would you think that?”

“Oh, come on,” he scoffed. “I might have been trapped in Azkaban but I didn’t lose my memory. I remember exactly what you and Moony were like both in and out of school. It was only natural for me to expect to find a niece or nephew when I managed to get out. Maybe even more than one. They certainly would’ve eased everything a little more.”

He held my eyes, waiting for me to say something. And really, there was only one thing for me to say, one explanation to give. I should’ve told him earlier – _much_ earlier. And yet, when he’d come home, there had been so much that I’d needed to prepare and sort out that it had gotten pushed behind, becoming less of a priority. But I had to tell him now. Somehow, I felt like there wouldn’t be another chance to do so.

“Sirius,” I started, setting my fork down. There was something in my tone that had him doing the same. “Remus and I – we broke up. Not long after you were sent to Azkaban.”

My brother held my eyes for a long moment and all the possible questions he could have asked me ran through my mind. He could have wondered what caused our breakup, or even how after dating for nearly six years we could split when we needed each other the most? Thankfully, he did neither.

Instead, he just picked up his knife and fork and turned his attention once more to his food. Part of me wished he’d react in a way that he would’ve done before Azkaban – either by demanding to know who had ended it so he knew who he needed to berate and who to comfort or by making empty promises to hex his best friend.

“I won’t ask,” he said simply and although I was thankful that he wasn’t so pushy, I wished he had pushed. Even if only so I could tell him to grow up and act his age. Azkaban had changed my brother almost beyond recognition. 

* * *

Like I’d previously thought, Grimmauld Place became a hive of activity. However, it wasn’t just because the Order had arrived, but because almost the entire Weasley family had descended upon us to use our home as a second home after Death Eaters had destroyed theirs. From what I’d overheard, my cousin had been involved in the attack. With the increased number of people in our home, I was swept off my feet with making arrangements.

The younger Weasleys, Harry and Hermione were supposed to return to school and I was certain I’d rushed between their rooms dozens of times by now to make sure that they had everything they needed for the school year. I’d also checked in on them to ensure that everyone had enough pillows and blankets and were comfortable. But, an unforeseen consequence of this was how often I wound up finding my toes being trodden on by Molly.

It seemed that every time I turned around, the older woman was there to check that I was doing everything properly and I knew that if it continued for longer, I’d do something that made them remember that I was the only Slytherin in a house currently full of Gryffindors. It certainly didn’t help that Dumbledore had taken my brother aside to discuss something secretly. Salazar, I respected the Headmaster but I resented him in the same breath; hadn’t Sirius gone through enough? Surely, he was entitled to a short period of rest.

As I did each time those thoughts entered my mind, I tried to dismiss them and instead focused on the covers that I’d brought down from a newly done up guest bedroom. I could’ve used magic to do it, but somehow, tiring myself out in this way stopped my thoughts from drifting to the room where Sirius and Dumbledore were talking. To my utter horror, as I reached the bottom of the stairs, Molly was waiting for me. Upon spying me, she tried to gesture me over and I thought quickly – from the cushion she held in her hand I _knew_ she was going to say something about how I should turn them over every now and then, or re-plump them. Merlin, I was not in the mood.

“Sorry Molly,” I said, shielded thankfully by the duvets in my hands. “I’ve got my handful but I’ll be sure to find you when I have time.”

I ducked around her, taking quick paces to leave her far behind. Heading towards the kitchen, I called out for Kreacher who appeared with a foul look. When I shifted the duvets to him, he complied and set about cleaning them. Now with empty arms, I wondered what I could do to avoid Molly for just a little longer. What were the chances that I could just hide away in my room for a little bit?

Deciding to risk it, I peeked once more around the hall and breathed a sigh of relief when I found Molly nowhere in sight. Although, from the shouts coming from upstairs, the twins had done something that she was trying to berate them for. Taking the chance to head upstairs, I physically started when there was a sudden call of my name. I turned sharply, giving Sirius an unimpressed look even as he stifled a laugh.

“Miss Black,” Professor Dumbledore greeted at last.

“Professor Dumbledore,” I said with a smile, sending one final glare at my brother. I intended to look back to my old Headmaster but my eyes sailed right past him to the third man in the group. Merlin, it had been a long time. Glancing away from them, not wanting to look at him for too long, I gestured vaguely towards the stairs, “I was just about to head upstairs.”

“That’s perfect then,” Sirius piped up, gesturing towards Remus whose eyes seemed unable to leave me. Only when Sirius clapped his roughly on the arm did he avert his eyes, “I was just about to show Remus to his room, but if you’re already going upstairs, you can do it.”

For a moment, I wanted to decline. But there was no need for me to decline, not really anyway. So, clearing my throat, I said, “Sure, come on.”

I turned quickly, not waiting to see if he followed me. But, from the steady pad of footsteps behind me, I knew he did. Even as I walked, a little ahead of him, I couldn’t help but watch Remus from the corner of my eye, trying to really catalogue the changes since the last time I’d seen him. It had been over ten years ago since I’d last seen Remus – when we’d first broken up, I wondered how I could even go a single day without seeing him. But it turned out, it was something I could do even through spite alone.

The entire way to his room I wondered whether the path had always taken so long or if I was walking slower without realising it. Either way, when we finally reached his room, I just pushed the door open and gestured for him to head inside. After a final cautious glance at me, Remus headed inside and I took that as my cue to leave. Or I would have if he hadn’t called out my name. It was enough to root me to the spot.

Searching him out, my eyes found him standing with his back to the door, seemingly focused on the suitcase he’d put on the bed. For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t say anything. Until he finally asked, still without looking at me, “How have you been?”

“Busy,” I managed.

Remus nodded to himself then and as if he knew I would try to walk away at that moment, he turned around to face me. His eyes on mine alone were enough to have me lingering. Uncertainly, he offered me a smile I couldn’t replicate. “Merlin, we were never this awkward.”

“No, we weren’t,” I said softly. And then, before he could start another conversation, or try to say anything else, I caved and made a mumbling excuse before leaving. We both knew I had never been the brave one so really, it was no surprise to either of us that I was the one to run away. 

* * *

I liked to blame my midnight cravings on Sirius. It was because of him that I’d settled into this habit in the first place. It all began when our parents would send him up to bed without dinner and both Regulus and I would stay awake, with our ears pressed against the doors of our bedrooms for signs that our parents were still awake. Usually, once midnight arrived, they would definitely be asleep and so we’d sneak out of our bedroom and across the hall to Sirius’s room. Between us, we would manage to unlock the door because our parents never thought to use magic to lock it, and we’d break Sirius out. We would alternate, with one of us keeping guard whilst the other joined Sirius downstairs as he ate because he couldn’t eat alone. And now, now that he’d returned home, I’d fallen once more into the habit of late-night snacking.

… Only, I’d been doing it long before he returned home. Really, I only used my brother as an excuse to validate the way I would start to feel peckish as midnight approached. But now I was an adult and I didn’t need to look out for anyone. So, feeling hungry, I just tied my robe around me, slipped into my slippers and walked down to the kitchen with my wand lighting the way.

Getting into the kitchen, I set my wand on the counter with the lumos casting a small light around the room. Approaching the cupboard, I rifled through it in search of the camomile tea bags, only to physically jump when the lights were suddenly switched on. I winced at first, struggling to acclimatise to the light but when I did, I turned hesitantly to find Remus standing in the doorway. He watched me with vague amusement before stepping into the room.

“I had a feeling you’d be down here,” he confessed softly, likely not wanting his voice to travel and awaken anyone else.

“I was feeling peckish,” I said pointlessly, reaching for my wand and extinguishing the now unnecessary lumos. Before he could say anything else, I returned to my search for the chamomile tea, turning my back to him.

“I haven’t been able to shake the habit either,” he confessed and for a moment only, my hands slowed their search as I remembered roping him into my late-night snacking on countless occasions.

“I guess I was a bad influence then.”

“It’s alright, I didn’t mind.” All too clearly, I could hear the smile in his voice.

Finding the tea bags, I turned towards Remus and hesitantly held the pot of tea bags towards him. “It’s chamomile?”

“Please,” he said eventually.

I was quick to turn my bag to him once more. As I boiled the kettle of water, I silenced the room, in preparation for the whistle that was sure to come. Then, gathering two mugs, I set them aside and reached for the open packet of biscuits. Putting them down on the counter closer to Remus, I didn’t so much as look at him as I returned to the kettle that had finally finished boiling.

After I’d made our teas, I remained a fair distance away from Remus who leaned on the counter, watching me closely with a biscuit in his hand. Not that I could look at him. I was too busy staring into the mug that I was holding between my hands.

Needing to break the still silence between us, I confessed, “Sirius had no idea that we weren’t together until a couple of days ago. So, if he said anything, just ignore him.”

“He gave me hell for it,” Remus admitted when I finally looked at him. There was a short pause, likely where Remus gathered his courage, before asking, “Does he know why we broke up?”

“No,” I said firmly, hoping he would never divulge the reason to him either. Sirius didn’t need to know that we’d broken up because of him. There was no need for him to find out that like all others Remus had believed him capable of killing his best friend and that I knew he couldn’t do something like that. It was enough to separate us, and I didn’t want Sirius to ever find out. “He doesn’t need to know about that.”

“Ok,” he said simply, submitting to my will. And then, there was another short pause before he said, “He also mentioned something about little feet?”

“Salazar’s soul,” I groaned, dropping my head. I almost didn’t want to look up again because I knew he would be looking at me for an explanation that I wouldn’t give him. But eventually, I did look up and sure enough, he was looking at me like I knew he would’ve been. Remus didn’t voice his curiosity. Instead, he waited for me to speak. “He somehow got it into his head that when he got out of Azkaban he’d come back to nieces and nephews.”

“Well,” he started slowly, not looking as shocked or even as repulsed as I’d initially thought he would. “Do you think he would have? Had nieces and nephews by now, if we hadn’t split?”

I knew the answer as certainly as I knew my own name; he would have. I breathed in deeply before taking a long, slow sip. Merlin, I didn’t have it in me to give him the answer that instantly popped into my head. So instead, I teased, “Who knows. You always did have the most horrendous habit of forgetting to cast the contraceptive charm.”

He flushed red in a heartbeat, coughing slightly to cover up his obvious embarrassment. But he laughed softly, nonetheless. “Luckily you always remembered to take the potion.”

“That was probably the only potion I took on time.”

“Believe me, I know. I can’t count the number of times I have to remind you to take a potion because you’re not feeling well.” Remus’s voice trailed off as if remembering that he shouldn’t have been talking in present tense. He fell silent and I did the same. There was so much more that we needed to say, but neither of us had the words. 

* * *

After years I found myself once more presented with just how irritating Sirius could be and Merlin, I struggled to remember how I’d ever missed him. When he was in Azkaban, I used to lay awake at night and think that I would give anything for him to tease me again. And then, when he came home but still wasn’t his true self, I used to actively look out for little pranks from Sirius so I could take them as small indications that he was slowly rehabilitating with life outside of Azkaban. Now, Salazar now I wondered how I could ever be so foolish. How could I have missed this?

How could I have wanted to see that infuriatingly knowing smile curve at the corner of his mouth when I caught him doing something he shouldn’t have? Because rather than relief filling me because he was recovering, my heart lined with dread, fell straight into my stomach. The sight of him sitting in the living room rifling through a box of _my belongings_ that I’d tucked away in my room where I thought was safe (a rookie mistake really), was enough for me to remind me just how naïve I’d been. Rather than being thankful that he was becoming more like his usual self, I wanted to throttle him.

“Sirius!” I finally exclaimed loudly, moving from where I had been rooted by shock to the doorway, not caring who happened to hear me. Even as I stormed toward him, Sirius’s smirk didn’t fade, not even in the slightest. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Rifling through some memories,” he said as if the objects in the box were _his_ memories to be rifling through.

“Did you go into my room?” I asked as though the answer wasn’t already obvious. My brother’s smirk only grew further in the face of my redundant question. “Didn’t I smack you enough times when we were kids? How have you not learnt by now?”

Turning a deaf ear to my complaints, Sirius unlocked the trunk that had remained previously unopened. Just the sight of it perched innocently but closed on his lap had been enough to have me on edge, but this was a step too far. He made a show of actually preparing to lift something out of the box now and it was the final straw. As if I was once more a twelve year old irritated at her thirteen-year-old brother, I launched myself at him.

Sirius’s warm chuckles were like taunts to my ears as I wrangled the box out of his arms. My struggles to make the lesson stick with Sirius had me ignoring the open trunk as it tumbled to the floor. Without so much as a concerned glance at it, I reached for Sirius, winding my hands into his hair and preparing to yank it with enough force that he’d not just learn his lesson, but he’d _remember_ it. Sirius, on the other hand, was busy trying to catch my insistent hands, to keep them from settling into his hair. He knew as well as I did that if I managed to get a hold of his hair, he wouldn’t be able to get me to release him.

Distantly, I heard someone clear their throat to get our attention but I didn’t pay any attention to it. Spewing all the filthy curse words Sirius had ever taught me, I continued to reach for my laughing brother. Every now and then Sirius would stop to make an appreciative comment about how creative my curse words were but I paid that no heed. It was only when someone cast a silent spell and forcefully separated us, sending us to opposite ends of the sofa, that I came to my senses.

Shooting one more warning glance at Sirius, I straightened out my clothes and tried to make myself presentable. The apology for acting like a child died on my tongue when I realised that it was Remus who had separated us. Gathering my hands in my lap, I wondered just when he’d entered the room. Or even worse, had he been there since the very beginning? It made sense that I didn’t notice him in my determination to wallop Sirius.

“How are you still acting like first and second years?” Remus asked with a sigh, referencing an infamous one-sided fight we’d gotten into during our time at Hogwarts. Sirius had taken it upon himself to hunt a boy who’d asked me out to Hogsmeade and declaring that he wasn’t allowed to get any ideas and I’d been so mortified that I’d attacked him in the middle of the corridor. Sighing, Remus crouched down to the floor to pick the box and its scattered contents up from the floor. Heart leaping into my throat, I instantly fell to my knees, trying to gather the things up before Remus realised what they were. But it was too late.

He was already staring solemnly down at the picture he held in is hand. I didn’t need to know exactly what the picture was of, because it didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was a picture of us. And if he peeked up to look at all the pictures I was shuffling away, he’d realise that they were _all_ pictures from our relationship and that the box itself had been filled with mementoes from our time together. Sirius, the bastard, slipped out of the room without a word, thinking I didn’t notice. I wouldn’t have put it past him to have planned this in the first place.

“I couldn’t bring myself to throw anything away,” I murmured slowly, as I packed everything away. All that remained was the picture Remus was holding in his hand and couldn’t seem to look away from.

Eventually, Remus looked away, silently holding the picture out towards me. I took it instantly, unable to bring myself to look at it, to see just which of our memories had brought him to such a sudden still before I shoved it away.

Hurriedly closing the lid of the trunk, I locked it. Before I could leave to store it in a _new_ hiding place that this time would be protected against Sirius’s invasive tendencies, Remus spoke. His words, hesitant and soft, were enough to stop me. “I haven’t – thrown anything away either.”

“Oh.”

Still crouching and less than a foot away from where I still knelt, Remus moved as if he was going to approach me again. He caught himself halfway, eyes flickering to the death grip I had on the trunk. Resigned, he asked, “You’re going to run away, aren’t you?”

“I have to fix the mess Sirius has definitely made in my room.” My excuse was a shell of justification as I rose to my feet and did my very best not to run from the room. Crossing the threshold and feeling Remus’s eyes on my back, I wondered how my heart could be thundering so rapidly in my chest if I’d left it behind, crouching in the sitting room? 

* * *

With the Order meeting to discuss how we progressed; I found my thoughts drifting often to the past. It seemed almost a lifetime ago now that the Order – the original Order made up of now long-departed loved ones – would meet in a similar fashion, crowding around a table and discussing the very same threat that we currently faced. For a moment, I could cave to the delusion that nothing had changed. Except it had.

Countless people that should have been here simply weren’t but the gaping hole left behind by them was felt all the same by those of us that had been in the original Order. I knew, from the way Sirius sometimes turned as if preparing to say something to James who would always be seated on his left, that he too sometimes forgot. In those moments, I would reach out for my brother, and would hold his hand until he’d managed to successfully bat away the memories that haunted him, all whilst the other occupants of the table remained none the wiser. Although it wasn’t the best for me – without fail, my mind would remind me that it used to be a different hand I reached out to take during meetings where I was the one needing comfort.

My traitorous thoughts had me risking a glance across the table, one that I instantly chastised myself for, as I studied Remus’s side profile. He, like most of the others at the table, was looking towards Professor Dumbledore as he stood at the head of the table, relaying some important information. It was information I knew I should’ve been paying attention to and yet, for the past few days I simply couldn’t concentrate on what really mattered. The war at hand mattered so much more than my bleeding heart. The dangers we were risking were life-threatening and still, I couldn’t help the way my eyes shifted to the woman beside Remus who was listening to Professor Dumbledore.

Despite not wanting to, I could remember the crush my cousin had on my now ex-boyfriend. Whilst we had dated, Tonks had been but a young girl – certainly much younger than us and in the time since, she’d blossomed and become a charming woman in her own right. Years ago, she had been like a child, someone I could never imagine having any sway over Remus’s heart – even if she grew into a woman – not when I knew I had such a firm hold over it. But now, it was a different matter altogether. I could see her heart in the glances she still frequently gave him; it seemed she too hadn’t managed to lose her feelings for Remus. It was something we had in common, Tonks and I – neither of us could stop loving Remus.

Sirius gave a whispered call of my name, bringing me from my contemplations before either Remus or Tonks could glance over and realise that I’d been looking at them. Shifting slightly in my seat, I looked expectantly at my brother. For a quiet moment, Sirius’s eyes considered me softly, probing behind the shield I constantly wore to guard my expression. I wondered if he managed to read it – to realise that if he asked me what he really wanted to do, I wouldn’t be able to mask my true feelings, that I would leave this room in a bid to stop anyone seeing the turmoil on my face. Because no matter how badly I tried to convince myself otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to watch Remus with someone else. Certainly not with Tonks. My brother’s expression shifted, thankfully, into one that was teasing even as his eyes remained solemn. It seemed he too was using a mask, not wanting to be caught by any of the other occupants of the room.

“If you’re so jealous about them, you should talk to Remus,” he started, sounding too well-meaning to actually be teasing me. He held my eyes, likely trying to emphasise what he was saying, to shatter the obstinance I’d continued to show at his continued suggestion. “Surely you know that he would love to restart things again with you. You’ve always been smarter than me so I know you’ve aught him looking at you when he thinks you won’t notice. What are you so scared of?”

It was a question I’d asked myself over and over again; just what was I so scared of? What was stopping me from taking the final few steps towards Remus? The truthful answer was that there was no answer, there was no solid reason for my hesitance. Still, I was. The thought of approaching Remus, of offering my heart once more to him and not having him accept it was too much to bear.

He was a thinker like I was – it was part of the reason that we’d worked so well together – and it was also why I knew that even if our reconciliation seemed so straightforward to Sirius, who was more of a feeler, it wasn’t simple. For a thinker like me, like Remus, the last few steps were the hardest. It was in the last few steps that countless situations and worries filtered through my head. What if it was too late? They said that when it came to life-altering events, relationships were made or broken and ours – ours was broken. How could I possibly open myself once more to the heartache of losing Remus again when we were once more, in a war like the one that had forced us apart?

My decision was cowardly, but the idea of opening myself up once more to heartbreak wasn’t attractive to me. Even if I wanted nothing more than to hold Remus again. Sirius would never approve of my decision but he didn’t need to. I had already resigned myself to a lifetime of watching and supporting Remus from the back. It would be enough for me. Salazar, because I wasn’t ready to be hurt, it would have to be enough.

* * *

With the Christmas holiday in sight, Sirius had gone out of his way to completely makeover our home, preparing it for the arrival of his godson. I’d watched, from the sidelines and not allowed to touch anything, as Sirius oversaw every little detail because he wanted to make sure that Harry had the best possible Christmas holiday that he could’ve had. The only person he allowed to help him was Remus and together, the two best friends completely transformed every room in the house. Not even my bedroom had been spared.

When the children did arrive for the holiday, their first reactions at seeing the house had made putting up with an overly sensitive Sirius worth it. Merlin, just the way Sirius smiled so easily now that Harry had returned, made me want to thank the young Potter. But I also knew from the way Harry trailed often after his godfather that the pair of them were up to something. Harry had too much of his father in him for me to think that there wasn’t some mischief brewing. I knew it was something that I wouldn’t want to get caught it.

And yet, I did get caught. I’d spent so long keeping an eye out for any signs of pranks – whether it was something silly like a whoopie cushion or something more elaborate like mistletoe that was charmed to follow me so it was extremely frustrating when I _did_ get caught. Although, did it count as getting caught when I hadn’t been the one to set it off? _Remus_ had been the one to do that.

Originally, I’d retreated to my bedroom after dinner because I had a letter I needed to write and send before everyone began their mad rush to send out all their Christmas cards and, as I’d sat at my desk, just finishing the letter, there’d been a knock on the door. Without looking up from the parchment, I called out for the person who knocked – Remus I found out after a few seconds – to enter the room. He did, stepping inside without needing to be told again and before he could say anything to explain why he’d sought me out, the door was forcefully closed behind him. My heart sunk into my stomach and I just _knew_ Sirius had something to do with this.

Rushing to my feet, I hurried past Remus and tried to open the door which was already charmed shut. Pressing my ear to the door, I heard Sirius’s voice on the other side as he continued to ward it shut. Distantly, I heard Harry ask if it was really alright to lock us in here.

“Sirius,” I started, censoring the curse that wanted to leave my lips as I tried once more to turn the doorknob, despite knowing how futile an attempt it would be.

Remus finally came to his senses then, joining me at the door and trying it again. He made no attempts to censor his curses and called Sirius all sorts of colourful words. Finally reaching for his wand, he tried to unlock the door with an _alohomora_ that failed. The only way to get out of the room would be to undo the wards that had been placed up around it and since we didn’t know, every attempt would be a shot in the dark. We were stuck in my bedroom until Sirius decided to let us out. 

With a resigned sigh, I turned away from the door and prepared to head back to my unfinished letter because no amount of persuading was going to convince Sirius to let me out before he deemed his prank – or whatever this was – a success. But the heavy sigh that sounded from behind me reminded me that I wasn’t alone in this. I’d been trapped in this room with the very man that I’d gone out of my way to avoid having to spend one on one time with. With slowing steps, I chose to sit on the edge of my bed instead of returning to the letter that had now lost all my interest.

Remus, who remained standing before the door and looked as if he was contemplating blasting it open, turned to face me as he conceded, “It sounds like they’ve walked away.”

“They probably have,” I said simply. Then, unable to bide my curiosity, I asked, “Why did you knock on my door?”

Remus cleared his throat suddenly, rubbing at the back of his neck before admitting, “Sirius said you’d taken ill all of a sudden. He said he thought you needed to go to the hospital but you were being stubborn so I came upstairs to check on you and – and – ”

“And to convince me to go,” I finished. Watching Remus from beneath my lashes, I glanced sharply away when his eyes settled resolutely onto me.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t –”

“Please don’t try to insult my intelligence.”

“Alright – the truth is, I don’t know.” Shrugging, I murmured, “My thoughts are really complicated and jumbled. I hoped putting some space between us would help me make some sense of them but it hasn’t helped at all.”

There was a silence and then –

“You’re not alone in that.” Shuffling uncertainly and despite already knowing the answer, Remus asked, “When do you think he’s going to let us out?”

“Probably not until tomorrow morning,” I answered anyway.

He cast a glance around the room, searching for something. I would’ve asked what, had he not wondered, “What can I transfigure into some pillows and blankets? I don’t fancy staying awake all night.”

“Don’t be stupid Remus,” I said before I could stop myself. Patting the other side of my bed, I offered, “You can sleep with me on the bed.”

“I –”

“Besides,” I said softly, “It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve shared a bed.” 

* * *

It took me a while, longer than I was proud to admit, to realise that I was awake. When I woke the next morning, I was so at peace and so content that for a moment I still thought I was somewhere in my dreams. But, forcing myself through the heavy fog in my mind and once more regaining my senses, I understood in the next moment why I’d still felt like I was asleep. It was because I was content and well-rested. Salazar, I struggled to remember the last time I’d slept so well during the night and, recognising the gentle repetitive pats to my back, I knew the real reason why.

If experience meant anything, then somehow during the night, I’d found my way into Remus’s open arms. Even though we’d both pointedly slept as far from one another as we could without falling out of bed, it had been pointless because I could feel the steady warmth of his arms around me and the peaceful thumping of his heart beneath my ear. I’d tried so many different things to improve the quality of my sleep and yet, all it took was Remus for it to get better. The very worst part was that on some level, I’d already known he would be the answer to it all.

Groaning softly, as if I was just waking up, I kept my eyes closed and gave Remus the chance to draw his arms away, to pretend that nothing had happened. He didn’t move – if anything, his arms drew me steadily against his chest as if he was refusing to let me brush this incident behind us. Not that I wanted to – not anymore. For some reason, this one night of peace had stayed the rapid storm of thoughts in my mind, letting all the scattered pieces drop into their rightful place so I could come to the correct solution. Because how could there be anything else but this? But us?

“You always were an early riser,” I finally murmured against his chest, in lieu of any greeting. I drew away from him, not far, but just far enough that I could rest my head on my pillow. His arms remained around me, dropping to my waist as if he couldn’t bring himself to stop holding me.

“Well,” he started slowly, voice heavy with sleep, “early mornings were the only time of the day when I didn’t have to think of ways to put up with your smart mouth.”

“Oh please,” I scoffed, slapping his chest and unable to bring my hand back. Merlin, it made no sense but trapped in this small tender moment, I felt deliriously happy. “You’re acting like you don’t have a sharp tongue either.”

“I never said I didn’t.” Remus’s smile matched my own, softening slightly as his eyes roved across my face.

I did the same, looking over each of his features and wondering if he was doing what I was – tracking and making mental notes of just how the years apart had changed him and yet, how he was still the same. For the longest time I’d gone out of my way to avoid spying even his shadow and now, waking up beside him, it was as if we’d never been separated at all. I was the first to look away, averting my eyes and preparing to roll away if only to give myself some breathing room. I needed the short distance, just to think of ways to move forward, to tell Remus everything that was swarming my head. Not that he let me. His arms remained steady around me, preventing me from moving and holding me close to him.

“I don’t want to let you go,” he confessed slowly and then he waited, likely waiting for me to insist he remove his arms. But I didn’t. “I don’t want this to be over.”

Holding myself back from confessing that I didn’t want to shatter this moment either, I probed, “Why did you never date afterwards? It’s been a very long time to have gone on without seeing someone.”

“For the same reason that you never did,” he said so simply that I wondered just what other answer I could have expected from him. It was the simple truth – there could never be anyone else – and that was that.

Lifting a cautious hand to his face, I cradled it and watched as his eyes fluttered shut for a fraction of a second. “Remus?”

He looked at me then, searching my eyes out at the tentative call of his name. His answer was a wary whisper, “What?”

I didn’t answer him straight away. Rather, I held my tongue, afraid to say it. But I forced myself to speak; this situation would never return again. If I let this opportunity slip past me now, then it would be the real end of us. “Remus – can I kiss you?”

Without a word, he lifted his torso, leaning over me and kissing me so swiftly that I jolted with surprise. The first contact, the first brush of our lips had a needy whine leaving my mouth as I lifted my hands to him, cradling him close. It was as if, for the first time in a very long time, I was whole again. There was no need for us to say a thing, as if it didn’t matter how much time had passed, he would always be able to read my most earnest wishes and I would find the answer to each one settled deep within him.


	2. Epilogue: 9 Years Later

_9 YEARS LATER_

On the few occasions where I imagined this situation, never did I imagine that I would give birth in the same ward as Mrs Potter – even on the same day. Harry had arrived with his wife in a flurry of activity, causing such a big ruckus in the hospital corridor that I heard it from the safety of my room.

At first, I’d remained propped against the headboard with our new-born daughter slumbering against my chest and shared a look of concern with Remus who continued to glance hesitantly toward the doorway. Eventually, I waved him away, assuring him that we would both be fine and insisting that Remus go check on Harry and support him whilst his wife prepared to deliver their first child almost a month early. It took some time, but eventually Remus did rise from the permanent position he’d taken at the side of my bed to join Harry who was no doubt having a panic attack.

Left alone with my daughter, I peered down at her as she slept in peace and said aloud, “I wonder how long it’ll take for the new Potter to arrive? If he’s anything like his father, he’s going to make his mother suffer through a long labour.”

And he did. It took almost twelve hours for the new Potter to enter the world. Remus, who had left Harry’s side when he’d followed his wife into the delivery suite, returned to our room. My husband, cradling our daughter, alternated on anxious feet between checking up on me and continuing to peek into the corridor for any signs of Harry. When the new father arrived in the doorway, he took a moment to admire our daughter and spoke softly to me with a smile that threatened to split his face in half before asking if Remus would like to meet his son. Promising that he would return soon, Remus returned our sleeping daughter to me and left the room after pressing a final kiss to my forehead.

For a moment, I allowed myself to appreciate the peace of my room now that Remus was no longer anxiously pacing. But my peace was short-lived. Without so much as an inquisitive knock, the door was opened and Sirius peered inside with a bright smile.

“What are you doing here?” I asked instantly, sitting up and trying to peer around him, “Where’s –”

Even before I could finish the question my son, now four years old, skipped round his uncle and bounded straight to my side. He fussed to get a look at his sister until I held her closer so he could see her face. For a moment, his brows creased as if he was uncertain what he was looking at before he gave a single wise nod and returned to his uncle’s side. Sirius, who had watched the interaction with a faint smile, chuckled as he finally entered the room and shut the door behind him.

“Moony said it was alright to bring him,” he said, walking towards me and taking the seat that Remus had previously occupied.

Silently, I handed my daughter to Sirius who started to rock her slowly, murmuring something into her ears that I clearly wasn’t supposed to hear. I watched him for a moment, smiling softly and opening my arms out to my son who was quick to hug me. He even let me pat his hair, something that he previously refused to allow; our short separation had clearly unnerved him.

Sirius risked a glance at me and assured, “You did a good job; she’s beautiful.” He proceeded to ruin it by adding, “Thank Godric she takes after you and not Moony, huh?”

“Stop it,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You know Sirius, if you like babies this much, why not settle down and have your own?”

“I’d rather spoil your kids instead.” Glancing at the closed door, he said, “Speaking of spoiling children, any news on the new Potter?”

“Less than an hour old,” I assured my brother, watching as he rose to his feet and settled my daughter in her crib.

He made for the door, assuring me he would return soon before offering his hand to my son and saying that they were going to visit Harry. Together, they both left the room, stopping in the doorway for Remus who was returning. Bending down to hug our son, Remus said something to Sirius that had him smiling sadly before he took my son and headed towards the Potters.

“What’s with that strange smile?” Remus asked, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.

“This room is just very busy,” I said without further elaboration. For a moment, I was content to watch as Remus crossed the room. He crouched beside the crib and dragged a gentle finger over the tufts of hair on our daughter’s head. The bittersweet smile on his face had me reaching out for him. “Remus?”

“Harry’s son,” he started in explanation. He cut himself off for a moment, “He’s decided to name his son James Sirius and Merlin, it was like looking at James again. Remember when we saw those pictures from when James was a baby? James Sirius looks exactly the same. I just wish he were here.”

“Remus –”

“I shouldn’t be talking about this today,” he said abruptly, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” I said quickly, taking him by the hand and making him sit on the side of the mattress. Holding his eyes, I said softly, “It’s good to remember him, to remember them. Especially on a day like today. He would be so happy if he were here – for you and for Harry. Although, he would tease you about essentially becoming a grandfather on the same day you had your second child.”

“He would,” he said with a watery laugh.


End file.
